By james art Durham MP Mary Kelly Foy said she had witnessed MPs “dousing their female staff with drinks” in Parliament’s bars and others being forced to sit on MPs’ knees when there were no seats available.
She claims a woman told her how she was lured back to her boss’s apartment, where he stripped and flaunted his nakedness.
The environment for women in politics is “more hostile” than it has been in decades, and women are being forced out of politics because of the current “normalized” behaviour.
Mary Foy and other senior politicians and officials from the North East say women are being forced out of politics because of the current ‘normalised’ behaviour.
They also revealed how they were forced to call the police after being repeatedly targeted by male abusers online, with one telling Mary Foy they “wished she was dead” after she beat breast cancer .
“Men have told me it’s a shame I beat breast cancer”
Mary Kelly Foy, MP for Durham City, has been an MP since 2019, having previously been a councilor for a decade.
Mary and her team have noticed a spike in online abuse in recent months and are considering leaving Twitter/X altogether because of the digital poison.
Winning her battle with breast cancer should be cause for celebration regardless of political affiliation, but on social media, men “empowered by anonymity” told Mary they wished she was dead and that she was using cancer as an excuse.
“I had just finished cancer treatment and I slipped [excused from attending Parliament on personal grounds],” Mary told the Northern Echo.
“But there are men on social media, a few men in particular, who will try no matter what I do, leaving comments saying ‘don’t use your cancer as an excuse not to vote’ or saying their relatives had cancer and were ok so i should be in parliament.
The constituency team had to report one perpetrator of violence to the police for making threats and the case is expected to go to court soon.
Mary said: “Social media gives perpetrators an excuse to be as horrible as they want and think they are big, tough, tough men on social media. But actually, they probably wouldn’t do it publicly.
“I think the rot started with the last Trump campaign — all the misogyny and the ableism. You also saw it in the 2019 congressional reception. In a way, Trump made it so that male politicians would treat women this way, talk condescendingly and insult you. It was shocking.”
The Durham MP described seeing the trickle-down effect of this sexism on the streets too – often members of the public will assume the men on Mary’s staff are their local MP, even if Mary is standing next to a poster with her face on it.
“War of Attrition”
A former political official from the North East, who preferred to remain anonymous, told the Northern Echo she experienced daily sexism and sexual harassment at work.
“The reality is, you feel a little silly promoting something. Everything is low-level enough and consistent enough that you feel like you have nothing to report,” she said.
“But day after day it wears you down. It’s like a war of attrition just for having the audacity to be a woman.
During her years in Parliament, she felt bosses making “lazy” comments were a “normalized” part of her working life.
Abuse was also directed at her by members of the public. Going out to campaign, she was sometimes “shouted on the doorstep” as she broke down in tears.
“Because I was a young woman, people thought they could intimidate me because they didn’t like my politics. To be honest, it was really scary at times and I had far more bad experiences than any of the men on the team.
“It’s not right that some people think this is a healthy political discussion.
Mary Kelly Foy added: “There are many MPs who have been suspended for their abuse of female staff.
“Sometimes you’ll walk into the parliamentary bar and think ‘oh my god, some MPs here are so sloppy with their staff.’
“They would hug them, obviously pour drinks on them. If there was nowhere to sit, the deputies would tell the staff to kneel.
“We got close to a woman who told us she was lured back to her boss’s apartment and he was walking around naked!
“We know a lot of women who have been treated really badly in Parliament and have had to leave, which is really sad. They wanted a career in politics but had to give it up because of the toxic environment.
“I would never want my daughter to work in parliament”
A member of the MP’s cabinet team added that she “would never want my daughter to work in Parliament”.
“Women are entering politics, but they may not last long after seeing how it works.”
As a woman, the people who called the MP’s office for help were much more likely to abuse her than any of the male staff members.
“We’ve had people call and just shoot a barrage of insults. It’s mostly men and they get really personal. They just want a reason to attack you.
In a 2017 study, experts found that out of 48,000 women in Europe, 11 percent experienced online sexual violence. In the United Kingdom, this percentage rose to 13 percent.
Elect Her, an organization dedicated to the inclusion of women in politics, has seen an increasing number of women leaving politics, citing the immense pressure of being in elected office.
Although Elect Her runs digital self-defence training sessions to deal with sexist and racist comments, some politicians find the abuse too much to bear – 41 per cent of MPs say their mental health is low or very low.
Policies have changed for security reasons
Even those who sit on local councils are subjected to vitriol online.
Amanda Hopgood, the Liberal Democrat leader of Durham County Council (DCC), has a “get on with it” attitude to the abuse she receives online.
“Men probably won’t understand the comments I get. No one will associate their appearance with their politics.
“I’ve always been a ‘go figure’ kind of person, but when you step back and ask the question, ‘is this sexist,’ you know it is.”
Dr Annabelle Mullin, director of communications at Elect Her, said sexism was not limited to the national government.
Last month, Elect Her backed eight female councilors who resigned in Herefordshire after accusing the council leader of failing to deal with allegations of sexist and sexual harassment.
Amanda added that Durham County Council had changed its policy on publishing councillors’ home addresses.
Although it is standard local government procedure that councillors’ home addresses should be publicly available, DCC recently changed the policy after councilors raised security concerns.
An address at the council headquarters is now displayed by default, along with contact details for the councillor’s office, instead of personal details.
The representation of women in local authorities in County Durham and the wider North East is good, but Amanda believes there is more to be done when it comes to the council staff side.
Although five out of eight councils in the North East Combined Authority have female leaders, only two have female chief executives.
“I never want to get a job just because I’m a woman – I want to be the best fit for the role. But there is more to be done to ensure women have access to the right training and experience to be the best person for powerful jobs,” said Amanda.
“Incompatible with femininity”
The 2024 election saw the largest number of female MPs take up seats in the House of Commons, which the Fawcett Society called a “significant milestone”.
But the legacy of a male-dominated parliament lives on.
The challenges of working in Parliament were highlighted, such as long hours, archaic practices and the need for better conditions for women, including those in menopause.
Speaking to the Northern Echo, the women in politics said that in many cases parliament was “simply not compatible with femininity”.
An anonymous official noted: “I wouldn’t have been able to start a family while working in Parliament. The classes were so unsociable that it was difficult to meet anyone, let alone have children.
Mary Kelly Foy added that there are concerns about women in politics at different stages of their lives. There is little support for MPs going through menopause.
She said: “Corrections need to be made and this needs to be treated as a legitimate condition. The rooms are too hot for women who experience hot flashes. My office window won’t even open!
“And there are issues with things like getting sanitary products – there just don’t seem to be physical facilities for women. It’s still made for men.
“Scary keyboard warriors” discouraging young women’s political ambitions
Since being elected, North East Mayor Kim McGuinness has had numerous discussions with police about her security concerns over online trolls.
Kim said: “Online, sexist and misogynistic abuse is sadly commonplace in my experience. I can’t open a social media app on my phone without being greeted with a barrage of inappropriate, rude or hateful comments.
“While holding public office is all about accountability and transparency, the tone of the comments crossed the line – some of which were no doubt on the wrong side of the law.
“It’s a worrying environment to be a woman in politics and I’ve had conversations with the police about my safety.”
Kim’s concern is that young people, particularly women and girls, are seeing hate online that is discouraging them from pursuing careers in politics “thanks to the actions of cowardly keyboard warriors.”
“Online and offline we need to find a more civil way of doing politics and try to bring people together.”
The regulator Ofcom admitted that some online interactions were “an extension of harmful gender dynamics that exist in wider society”.
The organization said it intends to publish draft guidance for online services, helping services deal with online gender-based violence and abuse.
But politicians believe more needs to be done by social media companies, Ofcom and ministers to “root out unsavory discourse”.
Kim told the Northern Echo that the platforms “allowed hate and misinformation to spread during the summer riots and undoubtedly allowed further disorder to spill onto our streets”.
“And if [social media service providers] will not step up, Ofcom must take decisive action backed by more regulatory powers from Ministers.”