By james art One of the biggest financial decisions we will ever make is who we decide to share our finances with.
Who we choose as our romantic partner has a huge impact on the course of our lives – including how things go for us financially. A good match can be the foundation on which to build a secure future. A bad one can turn into a huge setback as their money problems become yours problem too.
And if you don’t talk about it, money can quickly become a source of conflict in a relationship.
“When I speak to couples, it’s not uncommon to find that they have different spending styles: one partner is a ‘spender’ and the other a ‘saver,'” says Jess Irvine, CommBank’s personal finance expert. “This could lead to tensions over how the public money is spent, especially if there is a lack of transparency in the accounts.”
That’s why it’s important to be able to talk to your partner about money. However, it’s a conversation many of us struggle with – CommBank research found a quarter of Australians don’t feel comfortable talking to their partner about our finances.
So what you need to know about having one The conversation? We asked Jess Irvine for some tips.
OK, how do I start a money conversation with my partner?
First, talking about finances doesn’t have to be a “bad” conversation.
In fact, it’s actually a chance to dream big, plan your future together, and get excited about everything you want to do together—from where you’d like to buy a home to the trips you’d like to take.
“Frame the conversation in terms of what you’d like to be able to do together and the life you’d like to create,” suggests Irvine.
It also helps to lead with “I”-focused statements rather than “you”-focused statements when starting the money conversation, Irvine says. Start by sharing your own experiences and history with money and ask open-ended questions about your partner.
But if you’re still uncomfortable talking about money, it’s okay to admit it.
“It can help to admit that talking about money is an uncomfortable topic for you,” says Irvine. “After all, because money is the factor that facilitates so many of the things we want in life, it’s something you should prioritize talking about in your relationship — even if it’s a little uncomfortable.”
What should we talk about?
In order to open up, it’s important to be able to talk about uncomfortable topics like debt. Just try to be open, non-judgmental and focus on your abilities to make different choices going forward.
“It can help to make a list of all the debts you have, individually or together,” says Irvine. “Discuss the amount of debt, the type of debt, the institution owed, and the amount of any regular recurring payments and due dates.”
And you absolutely must be open about how much you earn.
“Sharing your salary is an uncomfortable topic for many people, but it’s important information to share with your partner,” says Irvine.
“Some couples like to split their joint expenses according to their earning capacity, which can help things feel fairer, especially in the early days. If children or pets enter the scene, discussing income and earning potential can help couples decide how best to divide work and care responsibilities.”
Start planning
Once you’ve aired the awkward stuff, it’s time for the fun stuff. You can talk about your main money goals, whether that’s working together to save for a home deposit, saving for a dream vacation or building an investment portfolio. Irvine recommends creating a board with a shared vision of all the things you want to accomplish.
It can also be helpful to make a list of all your individual and shared assets, such as property, investments and savings accounts. Having a complete picture of your total “net worth”—assets minus liabilities—can help you plan together for your future financial needs and wants.
“Once you know your main goals, you can develop your plan for how you’re going to achieve them through a savings plan,” says Irvine. “Set a price for each goal and when you would like to achieve them. Be realistic. It can help you identify a goal you want to work on together first.”
Finally, Irvine says, keep in mind that money is not a one-time conversation. This is something you’ll need to talk about regularly – you might want to check in on how you’re tracking your goals and spending once a month or every quarter.
“Don’t miss an opportunity to share small wins or challenges you have along the way—a problem shared is a problem halved,” says Irvine.
“Money is part of our daily lives, so talking about it should be something that comes up naturally in regular conversation.”
Are we talking about money? Don’t forget to dream
Feel more confident about your relationship with money and start your journey to financial health with CommBank today.
Discover the brighter side of money with tips on how to strengthen your savings, master your money mindset and make your cash flow work for you. Learn practical steps to make your money go further today and plan for a brighter tomorrow at honey.nine.com.au/commbank
Source: CommBank Research 2024
This page provides general information for educational purposes only. It does not take into account the financial situation or needs of any reader and should not be relied upon as personal financial product advice. As the information is provided without regard to your objectives, financial situation or needs, you should, before acting on this information, consider whether it is appropriate for your circumstances. You should also consider whether it is necessary to seek independent professional legal, tax and financial advice.