By james art 
This week, Bobby Connor talks to Dr. Rebecca Castellanos about how to support a friend who is grieving the loss of a loved one. Dr. Castellanos is a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at MUSC.
TRANSCRIPT:
Connor: I’m Bobby Connor for South Carolina Public Radio with a health focus here at the Medical University of South Carolina radio studio in Charleston. Support from friends and family can be an essential part of coping with the loss of a loved one, but sometimes we’re not sure how to help. Dr. Rebecca Castellanos is here to talk about how to be a good friend to someone who is grieving. Dr. Castellanos is a clinical psychologist and assistant professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at MUSC. Dr. Castellanos, what are some of the best ways to offer support to a friend in the earliest stages of grieving the loss of a loved one?
Dr Castellanos: So, I like to think of two aspects of support that are important. There is emotional support and then there is logistical support. So emotional support will give that friend space to feel what they need to because they may be going through a very wide range of emotions sadness, anger, denial. They may only experience a range of emotions. And so you simply allow your friend to experience what they are experiencing without correcting that experience. And then there’s the other aspect, which is more practical support. So it could be bringing a casserole, which could be really helpful, but also offering other things that might be helpful for that friend. So things like offering to babysit or mow their lawn, showing up and doing the dishes, practical things that can really help someone get through those very early stages.
Connor: How can we be supportive or what kind of help can we offer in the coming weeks and months to a friend who is dealing with grief?
Dr Castellanos: That’s an excellent question because something that’s really common in grief is that people get an outpouring of support in the beginning, and then as time goes on they may not get as much support. So what I recommend is to make a grief calendar. So, make sure you put it on your calendar for six months, a year, to reach out to that friend and ask if there’s anything they need, if there’s anything you like to do. And also make sure you put other important dates in this calendar like birthdays, mother’s day, father’s day, death anniversaries of that person who was lost.
Connor: How can we be a good listener to our grieving friend?
Dr Castellanos: A really key aspect here is to listen without judgment. Again, remember that each loss is very unique, that there will be many factors that influence how someone reacts to a loss. And that might look like, you know, what we call in psychotherapy reflective listening. So sometimes repeating the emotional aspect of what someone is saying can be really important just to validate that person’s experience of whatever they’re feeling.
Connor: And it doesn’t try to fix things or offer specific advice.
Dr Castellanos: Yes, that’s right. So our attraction as humans is to try to fix things, and that’s not necessarily what people need sometimes. You know, I always say sadly, the only way is through. You have to go through it. And so there’s no getting around it if you want. And so having someone go through it with you to let you feel what you’re going through can be really important.
Connor: Dr. Castellanos, thank you for this information about helping a grieving friend.
Dr Castellanos: you’re welcome
Connor: From the radio studio at the Medical University of South Carolina in Charleston, I’m Bobby Conner for South Carolina Public Radio.
The Health Focus transcripts are intended to accurately represent the original audio version of the program; however, there may be some inconsistencies or inaccuracies. The audio format serves as the official recording of Health Focus programming.